Directions to Carnegie Hall: Practice practice practice
Directions to the cheap seats at Carnegie Hall:
Practice occasionally when you’re not drunk. (at Carnegie Hall (Stern Auditorium/Perelman Stage))
"And now I’m going to tell you what I know to be the three rules of show business." - David Lynch on Louie
I hate mornings. Mornings suggest routine. Around the same window of time, like automated robots being powered on, masses of people do the exact same thing to prepare for the start of their day. And they do it without thought. Without individualism. Without soul.
It’s why Starbucks and breakfast tacos thrive. Admit it, on the Totem Pole of Taste, watery coffee and bland eggs in a tortilla really aren’t near the top at all (that’s reserved for Pinot Noir and ribeyes and queso), but people talk about them as if they’re sent from heaven. They only really “enjoy” them out of routine; one more need or two that helps complete their morning- “I need coffee.” “I need breakfast.” “I need to brush my teeth.” “I need to poop.” It’s all one in the same.
Whereas the night is unpredictable. It’s individual. It’s on our own terms. We go to bed at different hours; when we want to, when we say so. While one person lays their head down or reads a book, another may just be heading to the gym or to a bar, as someone else is looking for somewhere to get a really good burger and/or crack and/or sex.
Even the way we prepare to go to sleep can differ - one may have a common ritual of putting on pajamas and “The Soothing Sounds of Humpback Whales” while another just passes out from one too many beers - but we all do it on our time, at our own pace.
How exciting the night is- the thought that you, and only you, are doing what you are doing at that very late, dark minute.
This is why I’m a night owl.
This is why I love the night.
This is why I wish I was Batman instead of Ben Affleck.
Man, I really ramble a lot before I’ve had my morning coffee.
Prison = The Island
Guards = The Others
Rooster = Polar Bear
Red = Sawyer
Miss Claudette = John Locke
Pornstache = Ben Linus
Taystee = Hurley
Sophia the Tranny = Mr. Eko
Crazy Eyes = Smoke Monster
Flashbacks = Flashbacks
I just told the cashier at Bed, Bath and Beyond I’m buying a Roomba so that if I die and they don’t find my body for 6 months, at least my floors will be free of dust bunnies. She laughed. I didn’t.
1. Never call it “the ‘bee’s” when you’re taking a girl to Applebee’s.
2. Never take a girl to Applebee’s.
Me = Pi
Lucky = Richard Parker
Apartment = Life Boat
Ocean = Texas
Carnivorous Island = Austin
Meerkats = Hipsters
Bananas = Whataburger
Human Tooth = What’s left of my dead hopes and dreams